Depending on your cultural background, you will have your own predispositions around offering apologies. Growing up, many of us were taught to apologise immediately when in the wrong. The custom of Jidan is long honoured in Japan Samoans practice a ritual apology called Ifoga and there is Yom Kippur in Judaism. Irrespective of the love shared, no one can push buttons better than family -they put them there! Elizabeth Gilbert summarises this well:”I had a great teacher in India who said to me, ‘If you think you’re spiritual and evolved and enlightened, go home for Christmas and see how it goes.”Īfter more than one familial conflict in the past week, I felt encouraged by Gilbert to specifically explore apologies - not simply to pre-empt the need for them when sharing living quarters with family, but to investigate my traditions, values and the cultural significance around apologies.Įvery culture seems to have customs and traditions of apology. My father, a busybody at the best of times, is finding it particularly difficult to enjoy his “downtime” - already, he has started to deep-clean the apartment, spoil the furry grandchild, cook meals, and keep abreast of both local and global news right as it happens.ĭad and I live on different continents, so sharing space allows plenty of opportunity to ruffle each other’s feathers. Our small apartment, normally housing two humans and a canine, is now bustling with vim and vigour - accompanied by a massive loss of structure and routine (my concentration is going through countless landmines of interruptions). My heart finally admitted to itself that I actually made a poor and selfish choice, and some part of my brain is rewired ever-so-slightly in a better direction for the future.My parents are visiting for the holidays. And perhaps more importantly, it worked on me. It worked on him-he visibly relaxed, his eyes softened, and he even eked out a little half-smile.
#ONE REPUBLIC APOLOGIZE VS SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT HOW TO#
I'm so flustered I can’t even think of how to say anything, so because they are the only words that come to mind, I start working my way through these childish sentence stems: “I’m sorry for…” If childish is an adjective for silly or weak, the results are anything but.
Me apologizing all sincerely and everything. Because you see, this is not a normal thing for us.
He waits, slightly miffed, wondering why I am making him stand there while I glare at the floor. This means I am fighting the urge to flee and cold-shoulder it and do that huffy thing where I just stew about making up reasons why everything is really his fault and not mine. I’m awkward and I can’t make eye contact, and I mumble and break all my own rules.Īnd so I, too, find myself standing before my husband, readying myself to apologize.
I can be such a prideful, self-absorbed person, and I will be the first to admit that I am awful at apologizing. You’d think that after teaching, thinking, and writing about it, I’d be an expert at apologizing. Nothing infuriates like an insincere apology, and I think many would agree that no apology is better than a fake one. It’s optional, but a little extra credit couldn’t hurt.Īlso consider what you are saying outside of your words: your body language, facial expression, and tone of voice. If you’re introspective (and humble) enough, touch on how it fed some undesirable character trait of your own: pride, selfishness, laziness. This will show that you can appreciate the unhappy emotions you caused, and sometimes that is more meaningful than anything else you can say. This was wrong because./It made you feel./I wish I hadn’t because.Īddress the consequences that resulted, including the other person’s emotions. Start with any of these, or just say whatever it takes to get across the point that you regret something you did. I’m sorry for./I apologize for./I feel really bad about. As cliché as it sounds, it’s really about getting to the heart of the matter.Ġ1. Sentence stems are not evil, I promise. But that aside, I don't insist that adults use them. That’s all good and well for elementary school, but what are we adults to do? Do you really expect me to look my husband in the eye and use these formal, awkward, and uncomfortable sentence stems? I mean, really, sentence stems?